Caution: Fragile

I feel fragile. There is a cloud of darkness that has come to renew my acquaintance and I frankly am not pleased. I hate feeling all paper thin, wispy, and weepy. The losses of life and the holding pattern I currently find myself in is discouraging. It's like my miscarriages and the pain of last year surround me in foggy echoes. When I close my eyes I see yellow. I'm drawn to this color in all it's various shades.

This little guy was only 1 1/2 inches high and perfect.

My new iPod nano...Thanks Daddy!

Yellow as Color
Yellow is a color often associated with hope and happiness. Gold streets of heaven. Sunshine and warmth. It's used to represent caution and impending hazards. In ancient Egypt, yellow was the color of mourning. Military families wear yellow ribbons as they await their loved one's return. Yellow can be quite cantankerous when it comes to symbolism easily switching between happiness and sorrow. I am yellow.

Yellow = Me
I seem to be both full of happiness (I love fall!) yet deep, strong, bold tones of sadness fill me. I, well really David and I, are in a state of waiting. It feels interminable. Waiting to know if we'll ever have a family; waiting until we are old enough to adopt; waiting for a new job; waiting for a sense of purpose; waiting for clear communication that we're at least headed in the right direction! God seems very distant and silent at the moment. I keep having the words "He gives and takes away" loop in my head. Honestly, they don't give me hope, but dread. What else will He see fit to take away?

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