To: Computer Programmers World Wide, Inc.

Dear Computer Programmers,

This letter is to inform you that you are fired. According to our original contractual terms, we had devised a plan for you to help me establish a functioning website that others could use and I could alter components and update on my own. However, after months years I still do not have a website that functions properly--for me or the end users. The following is my list of grievances:
  • We have had a growing number of "glitches" that you consistently blame on my browser (even when I use the one you recommend).
  • You make changes to the site and then forget to notify myself or our technical go-between.
  • When I report a problem, as mutually agreed upon in our contract, you either don't respond to my e-mail or phone call OR say that the "bug" I am reporting, which has made whole sections of my website useless, is actually an "enhancement". 
  •  You promised via verbal and written agreements that you and your company had the knowledge, resources, and ability to design and program my site. You have not delivered. In fact, I believe you  promised things over your head.
Furthermore, I would like you to please consider your attitude toward your clients. You may "speak" more computer languages than I do, but that does not make you a better human being. You smirk at how you tweak things behind the website scenes which no average human notices. You pride yourself on your rebel-like antisocial behavior as though knowing how to communicate with any other human being (outside of other programmers) is a chore and a waste of time. It is precisely this arrogant mindset that has now cost you your job.

Yes, you have attained skills vital to the current trend of society, but if you intend to work in business you must be a professional. That requires communication, detailed at times, and patience. You are the expert in your field, I am the expert in mine. There should be mutual respect and an attempt at mutual understanding. You are providing a service. Part of serving others requires humility (to be modest) and responsibility (to not pass the buck--especially onto inanimate objects!). Finally, if I wanted to feel belittled, stressed, and mocked I would have applied for reality TV rather than pay you to perform those tasks.

Sincerely,
Your former paycheck

Note: I apologize if this offends any of my family or dear friends as several of you are computer programmers. However, perhaps if you are offended it means that some self reflection and behavior modification should take place. I generally appreciate and navigate your antisocial tendencies, but a casual dinner party or family gathering is mighty different from a work place environment. People (and I'm referring to all of us non-computer programmers) don't have time to fanny about with constant babysitting to make sure you do your job. And contrary to belief, we really don't intend to drive you crazy. Rather a little give and take on both parts would make the user/programmer relationship far more beneficial for everyone--including you.

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