Decisions

I've come to a few decisions. Some have been surprisingly easy, others oddly difficult. Many thanks to each of you who shared your thoughts on this post/article. Your words brought comfort, encouragement, and in one case envy. :-)

There are so many worthwhile activities for Mamas and their children. Since I tend to be a homebody, I'm grateful there are events to take me out of the house. After much talk (read "my husband is a saint"), a few tears, and a cold hard look at why I've participated or not participated in various things I came to one conclusion: I want to be known.

I hope that doesn't sound silly. I have been investing in others, training my daughter as best I know how, being selective about what comes into our home from food to books to technology, but somewhere along the way I lost my friends.

Perhaps I've become so particular that others feel they can't relate? Maybe I think too much? Maybe it's that this age has too many possible life stages for my personality? Whatever the answer I'm dry as a bone when it comes to girlfriends, friendship, and that sweet camaraderie of bffs. I fully admit severe jealousy as I look around and see sisterly relationships of which I'm not a part.

I am not complaining. There are many, many women who have graced my life. I have been blessed and am fortunate for their presence over my twenty-nine years. Yet, I sense a void in this area in my life. Outside of my husband and possibly my mother there is no other soul who knows me now. Lots of people know who I was in _________ [fill in the blank: college, high school, first married, young professional]. While I haven't changed a great deal, I am different. There are new concerns that rest in my heart, new longings, fresh thoughts. I yearn for a friend with whom I can sit down regularly over tea, look in their eyes, and share. I desire the opportunity to be so intertwined with another that our phones are on speed dial, to have someone help me discover my inner diva, or invite over for a marathon cooking day. I'm tired of polite relationships all. the. time.

The second thing my heart yearns for is a prayer partner. Not one in a different region, or even different life stage. Someone who desires to pray for her child(ren) as much as I do mine. Someone who will meet with me as we push strollers and prayer walk. I see these two aches coinciding in one person, but maybe God has a different plan. All I do know is that He knows. So I keep praying and disciplining my heart to wait quietly. 

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